#104. Active Acceptance
The Stoic Way to Clarity and Strength
Welcome to the blog post #104! Click here to read more from previous posts.
Marcus Aurelius once wrote:
“You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
I've always admired this idea, but putting it into practice is surprisingly difficult. When setbacks arise, our natural instinct is to resist—to push harder, to try to bend reality to our expectations. But what if real strength doesn’t come from control, but from embracing things as they are?
Life isn’t a neatly coded program where every input leads to a predictable output. It’s more like a winding road—sometimes smooth, sometimes rough, with unexpected turns.
When I hit a difficult stretch, I found myself asking: How do I navigate this? How do I regain clarity when my mind is clouded with frustration?
Situations like this happen all the time. We face challenges that we can’t immediately fix, yet they consume our thoughts. In those moments, I’ve learned that the real struggle isn’t just about the situation itself—it’s about how we respond to it.
Recently, I found myself in this very position. I wasn’t lacking solutions; I was stuck in frustration. My mind felt paralyzed by emotions. So, I turned to my coach—not because I needed answers, but because I needed perspective.
After our conversation, the problem didn’t magically disappear. But something shifted. I felt lighter and clearer. What changed?
It started with acceptance—not as surrendering, but as a way to reclaim my ability to think and act.
Active vs. Passive Acceptance
For a long time, I misunderstood acceptance. I thought accepting a bad situation meant surrendering. That if I accepted something I didn’t like, I was giving up.
But in Stoic philosophy, acceptance isn’t about passivity—it’s about clarity. It’s called active acceptance: seeing things as they are, so we can respond rationally.
Passive acceptance is when we feel helpless, believing there’s nothing we can do. It’s the mindset of, “This is just how things are. I have no control.”
Active acceptance is different. It acknowledges reality without resistance, not to surrender, but to adapt and act wisely. It’s the mindset of, “This is the situation—what’s the best way forward?”
Here is a simple example: Imagine you are standing in the rain.
Passive acceptance means sitting there, getting soaked, and feeling sorry for yourself.
Active acceptance means realizing it’s raining, grabbing an umbrella, or adjusting your route.
In my case, my frustration came not from the situation itself, but from my expectations—that things should have gone differently. The more I resisted reality, the more powerless I felt.
This reminds me of a saying from Epictetus:
“It is not events that disturb people, but their judgments about them.”
The situation itself was neutral. It was my judgment—my belief that things should have gone a certain way—that made it painful. The moment I stopped fighting the reality, I gained a clearer mind. Frustration clouded my judgment; acceptance restored my clarity.
When to Push, When to Pivot
This experience taught me an important lesson: knowing when to push forward and when to pivot.
Active acceptance helps us see where effort is useful and where adaptation is wiser. Instead of exhausting energy on what I couldn’t change, I asked:
Where do I still have influence?
What can I do differently to move forward?
Rather than forcing things to fit my expectations, I started looking for alternative approaches—ones that worked within reality, not against it.
Practicing Stoic philosophy isn’t always easy, but it offers deep wisdom. Resisting reality drains energy. Accepting it—actively, not passively—gives us power.
In the end, the people who thrive aren’t those who force the world to meet their expectations but those who observe, adapt, and act with clarity.
Till next time!
Cheers,
Do Thi Dieu Thuong